"Blessed are you who are poor,
for yours is the kingdom of God.
21Blessed are you who hunger now,
for you will be satisfied.
Blessed are you who weep now,
for you will laugh.
22Blessed are you when men hate you,
when they exclude you and insult you
and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.
I was reading this today and thought that I would post it. What does Jesus mean here when He refers to the poor? Does he mean the economically disenfranchised? Or does he mean poor in spirit, or the brother in humble circumstances? What does it mean to hunger now? Is he referring to those who have nothing left to cling to and are conscious and aware of their desperation for Him?
And finally, what actions does one take to get to a place of utter dependence without creating chaos and adversity? Do we pray for humility or ask
God to bring out the flame thrower? Or is their a way that we can seek humility, gratitude, and stay in a place of dependence?
And the scripture goes on..
23"Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets.
24"But woe to you who are rich,
for you have already received your comfort.
25Woe to you who are well fed now,
for you will go hungry.
Woe to you who laugh now,
for you will mourn and weep.
26Woe to you when all men speak well of you,
for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets.
Is it possible to be rich and still live in the Kingdom? And what is rich? 96% of the worlds population does not even own a car, and 50% of the world makes less than 2$ a day. Is it safe to say that if you own a car and make more than minimum wage that you are a rich person? Not if we compare ourselves with everyone else in America. But if you have ever traveled to a third world country, you cant help but noticing that the majority of the world does not live like we do.
One of the traps a lot of people fall into is the idea that "once I make X amount of dollars, I will give more, or I will pursue my dreams."
At what point does rich become rich?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Beautiful Mess
Not too long ago, I met this amazing little gal named Heather. We got to know one another very quickly, and I think that within the first week I was convinced that this was the girl that I had been looking for. We got engaged on Christmas day and began the planning of what we had hoped to be a beautiful spring wedding, with all of our closest friends and family members. It was going to be one heck of a party, followed by an amazing honeymoon somewhere with white sands and blue waters.
Just before we were ready to book our trip, secure our venue, and send out our invitations, we got the cancer news.
I remember chatting with Heather months ago about different types of weddings. I think I told her that I was a fan of smaller weddings and even running off somewhere like some crazy teenagers. I was half kidding. But the idea of people going into debt, or spending large sums of money on one day has never sat quite right with me. She on the other hand (like most girls) has dreamed of this day since she was a young girl, and has basically been planning her wedding for 20 years. Once we were officially engaged, I let her plan what she wanted, and was going to be supportive in any way that I could. This girl deserves the best. Trust me. However I couldn't let her get caught up in the stress of planning a wedding without dropping the hint- "ya know,,, Reno or Tahoe would sure be nice this time of year." Although she thought this was funny and laughed it off, I was kind of serious.
On Monday when we got the news, there were a lot of things that were uncertain. Thoughts about putting off our wedding date, mountains of medical bills, losing all the momentum in my career, being sterile, etc, were racing through my mind. Although I was not in fear about the cancer, the thought of not being able to marry Heather when I wanted to, was disappointing. Then I started feeling bad for her, and even told her, "this may be a good time for you to reconsider your decision." I guess I just felt like it would be unselfish of me to give her an out. This was obviously not going to happen, and her response made me feel like a very lucky man.
After a night and a day of processing this bend in the road, we started talking about our options. At this point I was planning on putting our date back for 6 months or so. Heather had been talking to our parents and told me that she was entertaining the idea of getting married earlier so that she could be there for me if/when times got rough during the chemo. When I heard her mention this, I had a hard time holding in my excitement of the possibility. I felt like a high school boy who just got his first phone number. I said to her “Have you prayed about this?.” She said “ Yes, and this is what I want to do. I cannot imagine waiting through this, and not being able to be with you if things get rough.” As much as this idea was music to my ears, I was very concerned of how this would all play out. I must have sounded like I was trying to talk her out of it, however, I was only trying to understand where she was coming from. I guess I felt as if I was killing her dreams, and was thinking of how tough our first three months of marriage would be living with a bald grouchy cancer patient. This of course was being a little dramatic, and extreme, however it was definitely not your ideal circumstances. She persisted that this was her decision. This was a tough decision to make for a guy like me. As I stepped back to try and seek the “right” decision, I realized that there wasn’t one.
After seeking counsel from our close friends and family, as well as fasting and praying, we made a decision to move our wedding date up a couple months and have a small wedding in 2 weeks. Even as I type this sentence I still am having a hard time believing the circumstances that we find ourselves in. I was out with some friends last night for one of my other friend’s bachelor parties, or bachelor dinner and movie I should say, and someone made mention that I too was getting married. One of the guys at our table asked “Awesome!, when are you guys getting married?” I said “2 weeks.” He then asked “ How long have you guys been engaged?”, I said “2 weeks.” There was this part of me that desperately felt the need to explain myself, and to make sure that others knew that I usually make mature and well thought out decisions, but I guess I am learning to ignore that part of me..
As I tell people about what we are doing, I keep thinking to myself that this isn’t exactly your storybook way of doing things, but the more that I think about it, and the more that I write about it, the more I remember that this is Gods story and I am just a part of it, trying to play my role the best I can. Life is messy sometimes, and it is often in the messiness that we find beauty.
Just before we were ready to book our trip, secure our venue, and send out our invitations, we got the cancer news.
I remember chatting with Heather months ago about different types of weddings. I think I told her that I was a fan of smaller weddings and even running off somewhere like some crazy teenagers. I was half kidding. But the idea of people going into debt, or spending large sums of money on one day has never sat quite right with me. She on the other hand (like most girls) has dreamed of this day since she was a young girl, and has basically been planning her wedding for 20 years. Once we were officially engaged, I let her plan what she wanted, and was going to be supportive in any way that I could. This girl deserves the best. Trust me. However I couldn't let her get caught up in the stress of planning a wedding without dropping the hint- "ya know,,, Reno or Tahoe would sure be nice this time of year." Although she thought this was funny and laughed it off, I was kind of serious.
On Monday when we got the news, there were a lot of things that were uncertain. Thoughts about putting off our wedding date, mountains of medical bills, losing all the momentum in my career, being sterile, etc, were racing through my mind. Although I was not in fear about the cancer, the thought of not being able to marry Heather when I wanted to, was disappointing. Then I started feeling bad for her, and even told her, "this may be a good time for you to reconsider your decision." I guess I just felt like it would be unselfish of me to give her an out. This was obviously not going to happen, and her response made me feel like a very lucky man.
After a night and a day of processing this bend in the road, we started talking about our options. At this point I was planning on putting our date back for 6 months or so. Heather had been talking to our parents and told me that she was entertaining the idea of getting married earlier so that she could be there for me if/when times got rough during the chemo. When I heard her mention this, I had a hard time holding in my excitement of the possibility. I felt like a high school boy who just got his first phone number. I said to her “Have you prayed about this?.” She said “ Yes, and this is what I want to do. I cannot imagine waiting through this, and not being able to be with you if things get rough.” As much as this idea was music to my ears, I was very concerned of how this would all play out. I must have sounded like I was trying to talk her out of it, however, I was only trying to understand where she was coming from. I guess I felt as if I was killing her dreams, and was thinking of how tough our first three months of marriage would be living with a bald grouchy cancer patient. This of course was being a little dramatic, and extreme, however it was definitely not your ideal circumstances. She persisted that this was her decision. This was a tough decision to make for a guy like me. As I stepped back to try and seek the “right” decision, I realized that there wasn’t one.
After seeking counsel from our close friends and family, as well as fasting and praying, we made a decision to move our wedding date up a couple months and have a small wedding in 2 weeks. Even as I type this sentence I still am having a hard time believing the circumstances that we find ourselves in. I was out with some friends last night for one of my other friend’s bachelor parties, or bachelor dinner and movie I should say, and someone made mention that I too was getting married. One of the guys at our table asked “Awesome!, when are you guys getting married?” I said “2 weeks.” He then asked “ How long have you guys been engaged?”, I said “2 weeks.” There was this part of me that desperately felt the need to explain myself, and to make sure that others knew that I usually make mature and well thought out decisions, but I guess I am learning to ignore that part of me..
As I tell people about what we are doing, I keep thinking to myself that this isn’t exactly your storybook way of doing things, but the more that I think about it, and the more that I write about it, the more I remember that this is Gods story and I am just a part of it, trying to play my role the best I can. Life is messy sometimes, and it is often in the messiness that we find beauty.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
The road turns.
I decided to create a blog. I have a few blogs already, but they are related to business and other things, so I wanted to create one for everything else..
I woke up this morning at 4am for some reason and couldn't shut my mind off. Why not start a blog? After all what else is there to do @ 4am?
I started reading Lance Armstrong's book last night "Its not about the bike".. Wow! I am sure a lot of people say this, but I really identify with his story. (besides the whole Tour De France part). But he goes right into the wild ride of having testicular cancer. All the way from having one of his testes removed, to the fears and uncertainty of his very near future. He talks about having to freeze sperm @ a sperm bank, and does not leave out an x-ray, or a blood test to his journey through cancer and treatment. I have been reading a lot of spiritual, business, and sales books for so long now, that I forgot what it was like to read anything else. My friend Jeremy who is also going through Chemo brought it by my office yesterday. What a gift!
It has been three days since I found out that the cancer has returned. I had my first appt with my oncologist on Tues. His name is Dr. Figuerero and he seems to know what he is doing. I did my checking up on him though :-) Lucky for me I have several family members in the medicine field, and a friend who is a respected cardiologist here in California. After getting a couple of second opinions, and praying, I feel that this is the right road for me.
My soon to be wife (sooner or later now), and my family met me @ Solace Cancer Care in Redding. After waiting for nearly an hour, Dr. Fig came in and discussed my case with me. He basically told me that they could not find the cancer yet, but after doing an MRI on my head, and a chest X-Ray, he believed they would find it. He then discussed treatment options. I was hoping that I would get away with some mild Chemo, maybe 1- 2 weeks worth, or possibly a 96 hour blast of it once every 2 weeks. The actual treatment seems much more complex than that. I will be admitted to the hospital for 5 days in a row every 1st week of the month and will be injected for 5 hours a day. Then the following three weeks of the month, I will go in every Monday for a 2 hour dose of some more.:-) In order to save my veins from blowing out, they are going to insert a port into my chest that will go into my jugular vein and down to the top of my heart. This will go on for three months. He then told me that I would be as good as sterile after the treatment. He actually said "you will be shooting blanks", so if you want to have kids someday you will have to go to the nearest sperm bank and freeze some away.. Sounds fun right?
After discussing all of this for about 2 hours, you feel like going to sleep for 3 days. Its a lot to process.
Oh yea, and I am going to lose all of my hair! I went to the stylist today and got a haircut. I had her cut it real short, and am hoping that I can kind of step it down over the next couple of weeks. I have never seen my head shaved bald before, so this ought to be an interesting time. I have a lot of cool hats if I end up looking like Dr Evil from Austin Powers.
I have decided to fast and pray for three days. Heather is joining me, and we are going to be praying over Matthew 11:28 from the Message..
I believe that the peace I have today is a direct result of all the prayers from my dearest friends and family who have begged God to save this crazy kid named Chris for years . Thank you :-)
Peace and Grace,
I woke up this morning at 4am for some reason and couldn't shut my mind off. Why not start a blog? After all what else is there to do @ 4am?
I started reading Lance Armstrong's book last night "Its not about the bike".. Wow! I am sure a lot of people say this, but I really identify with his story. (besides the whole Tour De France part). But he goes right into the wild ride of having testicular cancer. All the way from having one of his testes removed, to the fears and uncertainty of his very near future. He talks about having to freeze sperm @ a sperm bank, and does not leave out an x-ray, or a blood test to his journey through cancer and treatment. I have been reading a lot of spiritual, business, and sales books for so long now, that I forgot what it was like to read anything else. My friend Jeremy who is also going through Chemo brought it by my office yesterday. What a gift!
It has been three days since I found out that the cancer has returned. I had my first appt with my oncologist on Tues. His name is Dr. Figuerero and he seems to know what he is doing. I did my checking up on him though :-) Lucky for me I have several family members in the medicine field, and a friend who is a respected cardiologist here in California. After getting a couple of second opinions, and praying, I feel that this is the right road for me.
My soon to be wife (sooner or later now), and my family met me @ Solace Cancer Care in Redding. After waiting for nearly an hour, Dr. Fig came in and discussed my case with me. He basically told me that they could not find the cancer yet, but after doing an MRI on my head, and a chest X-Ray, he believed they would find it. He then discussed treatment options. I was hoping that I would get away with some mild Chemo, maybe 1- 2 weeks worth, or possibly a 96 hour blast of it once every 2 weeks. The actual treatment seems much more complex than that. I will be admitted to the hospital for 5 days in a row every 1st week of the month and will be injected for 5 hours a day. Then the following three weeks of the month, I will go in every Monday for a 2 hour dose of some more.:-) In order to save my veins from blowing out, they are going to insert a port into my chest that will go into my jugular vein and down to the top of my heart. This will go on for three months. He then told me that I would be as good as sterile after the treatment. He actually said "you will be shooting blanks", so if you want to have kids someday you will have to go to the nearest sperm bank and freeze some away.. Sounds fun right?
After discussing all of this for about 2 hours, you feel like going to sleep for 3 days. Its a lot to process.
Oh yea, and I am going to lose all of my hair! I went to the stylist today and got a haircut. I had her cut it real short, and am hoping that I can kind of step it down over the next couple of weeks. I have never seen my head shaved bald before, so this ought to be an interesting time. I have a lot of cool hats if I end up looking like Dr Evil from Austin Powers.
I have decided to fast and pray for three days. Heather is joining me, and we are going to be praying over Matthew 11:28 from the Message..
Matthew 11:28
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
I believe that the peace I have today is a direct result of all the prayers from my dearest friends and family who have begged God to save this crazy kid named Chris for years . Thank you :-)
Peace and Grace,
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